Writing, Therapy, Both??

 

Why do I write? Why do I feel the need to put my thoughts out there for people who very well may disagree with me? Especially now! Do I somehow think that my opinion matters more than anyone else's? Do I think my thoughts are going to change anyone's mind? Probably not.

Most people who know me know that I am a pretty even tempered, mild mannered person. Yes, I can be intense at times, but mostly I am not. I tend to sit on the sidelines of life. I don't really feel comfortable participating in most things. I prefer to sit back and watch, especially when it comes to new people. I am generally quiet, but always watching. I am an observer, a thinker.

With much observing and proportionately less talking, my thoughts can run wild. I sometimes feel like there are ten different conversations happening in my head at once. Conversations that get stuck there and have nowhere to go, and sometimes they become something they never should have been. A simple disagreement with my husband (not unlike the disagreements of every couple in the history of the world) can snowball into a very real fear that he is going to leave me within just a couple hours, all because my thoughts got away from me. 

The Bible says that we are to take our thoughts captive. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5 My thoughts are not always obedient to Christ, they do not always line up with who God says I am. When I write, my brain over powers my emotions and I can sort things out. It helps me figure out what is real and of God and what is not. I am able to take my thoughts captive through writing.

That is one of the many things writing does for me. It helps me clean up my thoughts, to know what is real and what is not. Once I have it sorted out, I feel like writing helps me to say things in a way that I could never do verbally. In a verbal conversation, if someone disagrees with me, I will generally back down or clam up. I do not feel confident that my point of view is valid. I don't feel smart enough or educated enough or enough period. I do not like confrontation and will avoid it at all cost, including just keeping my mouth shut. Writing gives me a freedom to say what I want/need to say that feels safe.

I will probably never write for a huge audience (although, I do have a book idea in it's very infant stages!). I will probably never change anyone's mind, most of the people who read my words already agree with me. But- I will sort out my thoughts and my feelings. I will remember to whom I belong and who He says I am. I will take my thoughts captive. I write for me, but you all are invited to the party ;-)

I have always enjoyed writing, but something feels different this time. I feel a fire that I haven't felt in a long time, an excitement. I have been a martyr to motherhood for the past 20 years, I haven't had anything that I have done just for me in longer than I can remember. This, this is just for me. If nobody else ever reads a single word I write, that's ok. Every time I open this blog is like therapy for me. Just for me. 

Much Love, Debbi

I'll never work a day...

I don't like working. I never have. I don't take pride in bringing home a pay check. I don't feel a sense of self worth because I have a job. I never have. That is just not how I'm wired and I believe that is by design ;-) Life is short and any job I have is taking hours away from my family. And so, that job Must be worth it. Anything that I am sacrificing time with my family for, MUST be worth it. 

That being said....

I do enjoy helping people. I desire to see people do better, have better, be better. I love seeing lives transformed and even saved. I want to make a difference in the world. That is how I'm wired. I am a "fixer". I am not overly emotional on the outside, but on the inside...oh my. I feel like I can feel other people's pain. Their stories sit with me until I almost feel like I was there. I have this desire to make things better for people and to teach them how to make things better for themselves. 

This is why I do the work I do. I truly feel called to it. I know that when God knit me together in my Mother's womb, He knew that I would fight for people. He knew that I would fight for Life. He knew that my "work" would need to be His work. Sometimes, this work can be very, very hard. Sometimes, I want to tap out. I want to pass the baton to someone else, anyone else. Sometimes, I feel like God picked the wrong person. But, I know, He did not. He does not make mistakes and therefore, I am right where I'm supposed to be.

Recently, I was texting with a woman I have never met. This woman had just given birth to a stillborn baby. She was devastated! She needed someone to talk to, someone to listen, someone to say it's ok to be sad. She needed someone to tell her that her baby mattered. I was honored to take any of that burden from her that I could.

And then this week, a few volunteers and I had the opportunity to interview a couple clients for our upcoming fundraiser. I listened to them talk about how they felt before We Care and how they feel now. About their goals, their dreams, their futures. Their lives have truly changed because someone cared, because their advocates took the time to listen and to encourage and to show them another way. No paycheck is as rewarding as those words were to me! 

I am honestly thankful to have been called into a work that changes lives. A work that breaks generational patterns of bad decisions, abuse, neglect, addictions. A work that transforms families. A work that is worth sacrificing those hours with my family ;-)

No, I don't like to "work"-But, I love my job ;-)

<3 Debbi

I'm Back :-)

Whoa! It's been a minute since I've written anything! A few years back, I quit reading. I don't know why. Life. Kids. Didn't feel like it. Social Media. Who knows? But, I think I stopped writing at about the same time. Why? I enjoy reading. I enjoy writing. Why did I stop? Did I run out of things to say? Nope, that's definitely not it ;-) Tonight, I was just curious if this blog still exists. What do you know? Here it is!

Life update since 2016--Not much has changed. And, everything has changed. 

Becca is 20 years old and living on her own. James and I are still learning how to parent an adult child. It's a delicate balance of hanging on for dear life and letting go at the same time. And, we have a very adorable grand kitten!

Haley will be 18 in just a few short months. She is already starting to push for some of those adult freedoms. She is very independent and yet our most "attached" child. Figure that one out! She has talked about the military and college and everything in between. She just hasn't made a decision yet and that's ok.

Brenna is 15. Looking forward to driving and tasting some of the freedom she has seen her sisters enjoy. She has an interest in going into medicine in some form but definitely does not want to deal with other Diabetics ;-) She is a thinker and is not easily swayed.

James and I are still living the dream :-) Happily married and we even still like each other! We enjoy date days now that the girls are older and don't need as much supervision. We even took a vacation to Florida all alone! We are happy to be navigating this life together :-)

So, that's the short version. I have a lot I want to write about. Stay tuned!

<3 Debbi