Too Close To Home

As most of you know, a freshman at Rebecca's school took his own life this week. I didn't know this boy. My girls didn't know him. He was younger than Becca and older than Haley. Still, his death has impacted us. Why? Because it's too close to home. Not only in a geographical sense but in a life stage sense. When I heard the news, I automatically wept for his mother. I just cannot wrap my head around losing my child. Especially when it didn't have to happen.

There is a lot of talk about bullying. This boy had been bullied for years. There are programs in our schools designed to protect kids from bullying. Obviously, it's not enough. My girls know who the bullies at GKHS and GKMS are. I guarantee you, if you have kids in school, your kids know who the bullies in their schools are too. So, why is nothing done? There are two things that the girls and I have been talking about--1) A victim (or witness) who reports bullying, will be bullied even more. They will be targeted. And 2) The bullies often get a slap in the wrist and nothing more. So, why tell?

I was bullied all through middle and high school. I believe there are many different forms of bullying. It doesn't always have to be physical or even verbal, I was mostly just ignored with some occasional verbal abuse. I cannot tell you how much it would have meant to me for someone to smile at me or say hi. Or invite me to their group during group projects (other than just to get me to do the whole thing!). I had a few good friends, but most of the other kids never gave me the time of day.  I was horribly shy and I know now that may have come off as being mean or not wanting people to talk to me. I made it through but I wouldn't go back to high school for all the money in the world.

I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I want you to think. Think about that person eating lunch by him/herself. Think about that mom at the soccer game sitting by herself. Think about your kids. How do they treat others.

Is your child being bullied? If so, teach them to stand up for themselves. Teach them to tell enough adults so that they are protected and something is done about it. If you know about it, you need to get loud. Go to the school. Go to the other kid's house. Pull your kid out of school if you have to. You must protect your child. I am so tired of hearing "that's how kids are" or "they're just teasing" or whatever other excuse people can come up with. As adults, we are responsible for raising mature, respectable adults. We are also responsible for teaching consequences. Stop sweeping it under the rug. Make noise until the bullies are punished and the behavior is stopped.

Is your child a bystander? Maybe your kid is not being bullied but they know someone who is. They are afraid to say anything because they do not want to become the target. I get it. But, it's time to teach our kids to step up and step in even when it's hard. Teach your kids that if they witness bullying and they do nothing, they are just as guilty as the bully. Teach your kids to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves.

Is your child the bully? Nobody wants to think that their kid could be a bully. But, bullies are somebody's kid too. Are you being honest with yourself? How does your kid talk about other people? Are you really monitoring their social media? Are they the kids starting fake accounts calling other kids gay? Be honest with yourself. Could your kid be a bully? What are you going to do about it?

I believe that there need to be stricter consequences for bullying. Suspensions, public apologies, juvenile detention. These kids need to pay for their crimes. And yes, bullying should be a crime. How many more kids have to lose their lives before we take this seriously?

This young man felt like he had no other options and now he is gone. This breaks my heart in ways that I can't really express. But, there is another thought that has crippled me these last couple of days. What if? What if, instead of only taking his own life, he had taken that gun to school? What if he had decided to take out the bullies? What if my kid had been caught in the crossfire? What if? A little sign on the door would not have stopped him. Even as I mourn his death, I thank God that he wasn't the kind of kid who would hurt others. He could have. If he had wanted to, he could have killed some of our kids before killing himself. But, he didn't do that. He sounds like he was a protector even though he was facing his own bullies.

We will never know who the world lost in this tragic action. He will never go to prom or graduate high school or get married or give his parents grandchildren. We cannot let this continue. Talk to your kids. Be honest with them and yourself. Protect those who are targeted and punish those who mistreat others. No more excuses. No more sweeping bad behavior under the rug.

I'm sorry, I know this post is a lot of rambling and I don't  have all the answers, but I know that we have to do more. We have to protect our children! Talk to your kids. Report bullying. Treat others well. Be a good example. Teach your kids that they will pay consequences for bad behavior. Stop making excuses.

I don't know what else to say...