Too Close To Home

As most of you know, a freshman at Rebecca's school took his own life this week. I didn't know this boy. My girls didn't know him. He was younger than Becca and older than Haley. Still, his death has impacted us. Why? Because it's too close to home. Not only in a geographical sense but in a life stage sense. When I heard the news, I automatically wept for his mother. I just cannot wrap my head around losing my child. Especially when it didn't have to happen.

There is a lot of talk about bullying. This boy had been bullied for years. There are programs in our schools designed to protect kids from bullying. Obviously, it's not enough. My girls know who the bullies at GKHS and GKMS are. I guarantee you, if you have kids in school, your kids know who the bullies in their schools are too. So, why is nothing done? There are two things that the girls and I have been talking about--1) A victim (or witness) who reports bullying, will be bullied even more. They will be targeted. And 2) The bullies often get a slap in the wrist and nothing more. So, why tell?

I was bullied all through middle and high school. I believe there are many different forms of bullying. It doesn't always have to be physical or even verbal, I was mostly just ignored with some occasional verbal abuse. I cannot tell you how much it would have meant to me for someone to smile at me or say hi. Or invite me to their group during group projects (other than just to get me to do the whole thing!). I had a few good friends, but most of the other kids never gave me the time of day.  I was horribly shy and I know now that may have come off as being mean or not wanting people to talk to me. I made it through but I wouldn't go back to high school for all the money in the world.

I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I want you to think. Think about that person eating lunch by him/herself. Think about that mom at the soccer game sitting by herself. Think about your kids. How do they treat others.

Is your child being bullied? If so, teach them to stand up for themselves. Teach them to tell enough adults so that they are protected and something is done about it. If you know about it, you need to get loud. Go to the school. Go to the other kid's house. Pull your kid out of school if you have to. You must protect your child. I am so tired of hearing "that's how kids are" or "they're just teasing" or whatever other excuse people can come up with. As adults, we are responsible for raising mature, respectable adults. We are also responsible for teaching consequences. Stop sweeping it under the rug. Make noise until the bullies are punished and the behavior is stopped.

Is your child a bystander? Maybe your kid is not being bullied but they know someone who is. They are afraid to say anything because they do not want to become the target. I get it. But, it's time to teach our kids to step up and step in even when it's hard. Teach your kids that if they witness bullying and they do nothing, they are just as guilty as the bully. Teach your kids to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves.

Is your child the bully? Nobody wants to think that their kid could be a bully. But, bullies are somebody's kid too. Are you being honest with yourself? How does your kid talk about other people? Are you really monitoring their social media? Are they the kids starting fake accounts calling other kids gay? Be honest with yourself. Could your kid be a bully? What are you going to do about it?

I believe that there need to be stricter consequences for bullying. Suspensions, public apologies, juvenile detention. These kids need to pay for their crimes. And yes, bullying should be a crime. How many more kids have to lose their lives before we take this seriously?

This young man felt like he had no other options and now he is gone. This breaks my heart in ways that I can't really express. But, there is another thought that has crippled me these last couple of days. What if? What if, instead of only taking his own life, he had taken that gun to school? What if he had decided to take out the bullies? What if my kid had been caught in the crossfire? What if? A little sign on the door would not have stopped him. Even as I mourn his death, I thank God that he wasn't the kind of kid who would hurt others. He could have. If he had wanted to, he could have killed some of our kids before killing himself. But, he didn't do that. He sounds like he was a protector even though he was facing his own bullies.

We will never know who the world lost in this tragic action. He will never go to prom or graduate high school or get married or give his parents grandchildren. We cannot let this continue. Talk to your kids. Be honest with them and yourself. Protect those who are targeted and punish those who mistreat others. No more excuses. No more sweeping bad behavior under the rug.

I'm sorry, I know this post is a lot of rambling and I don't  have all the answers, but I know that we have to do more. We have to protect our children! Talk to your kids. Report bullying. Treat others well. Be a good example. Teach your kids that they will pay consequences for bad behavior. Stop making excuses.

I don't know what else to say...

Widows and Orphans

We are abundantly blessed! Our kids have never had to worry that their power would get shut off, or where they were going to sleep, or where their next meal was coming from. They have not been exposed to drug abuse, alcoholism, or domestic violence. They are secure in our ability to care for them. They enjoy a stability that millions of children in this country have never known.

As a family, we have prayed about and talked about how to help children who do not have the things that our kids have. We have decided to begin the process of becoming a "safe family".

Safe Families is a step before the foster care system. We will open our home to children who are voluntarily surrendered by their parents for a temporary time. These families are in a crisis situation and need someone to care for their children while they get back on their feet. They may be homeless due to job loss or extended illness. One or both parents may be serving short sentences in jail. It may be that Mom needs surgery and there is no one to care for her child while she is hospitalized. We want to be the safety net for families who have nowhere else to turn. 

We have begun the process by submitting an "interest form". We will have a home inspection and background checks before we are qualified to care for any children. We will have the right to say yes or no to any child/situation. We are looking at caring for children under the age of 4, but we are flexible.

Please join us in praying over this. Pray for the children and the parents that we will be meeting. Pray for patience and understanding as we care for children who have come from crisis situations. Pray that we stay in God's will at all times (I tend to do what I want and pray about it later).

You can learn more about Safe Families at

www.safe-families.org

You can also submit your own "interest form" there :-)

Why Diabetes Camp?

We have been living and breathing Diabetes for over 2 years now. It is 24/7/365. There is no such thing as a break from Diabetes. Every day, we work to keep Brenna's blood sugar under control. Some days are better than others, but we are managing. We have adjusted to this new life, but I will never call it "normal". This year, we have decided to send her to Diabetes Camp! Why? Lots of reasons--the biggest being that she will learn ways to take care of herself for the rest of her life.

Since the day of diagnosis, James and I have agreed to let Brenna be a kid first and a diabetic second. We try to never let Diabetes stop her from doing what she wants to do. We want her to be just like the other kids. But, guess what? She's not. That thought really hit me the day that I sent in her camp application. I put it in the mailbox and I just sat for a minute. I was struck by the thought that this camp is necessary. That there are enough kids living with this disease to make it necessary for camps all across the country to fill up with kids every summer. That for one week, these kids really do get to be like all the other kids. I wish I could be there to see Brenna "fit in" again after 2 years of being different from all her peers.

I also realized that I have had a change of heart. Two years ago, I would have said that Brenna didn't need camp because the cure is right around the corner. I believed that she would be cured before Diabetes could do irreparable damage to her body. I still hope and pray for that every day! But...what if the cure is further away than I would like? What if we never get a cure, just better management? My job is to prepare my children to be successful adults. That includes teaching Brenna to live the healthiest life possible in spite of this disease.

That's where Diabetes Camp comes in. These camps are staffed with medical professionals and volunteers (many who are Type Ones themselves) who really understand Diabetes. They can teach Brenna from a perspective that James and I just don't have. They will encourage her to be independent. She will most likely do her own site changes. She will learn about managing diabetes and nutrition. She will be given an opportunity to talk about her feelings and the emotional stresses that come with having a life altering, incurable disease. She will meet new friends who really understand what she goes through every day. She will also enjoy camp fires, swimming, rock walls, ropes courses, archery, crafts, and more!!

The camp that Brenna will be going to is called "Triangle D" and it is held at the YMCA camp in Ingleside, IL. It is a 6 night camp starting on July 26th. You can read more about it at:

 http://www.diabetes.org/in-my-community/diabetes-camp/camps/triangle-d.html

Our family is really excited that Brenna has this opportunity! (Mama is a bit terrified, though!!) We want to see her grow from this experience. We know that she will gain knowledge, confidence, and friends at camp that she can't get anywhere else. So, we stepped out in faith and signed her up without knowing how we would pay for this. It is very expensive because of the type of camp it is. There is at least one medical professional for every 10 campers. That's quite a staff!

Here is a comment I found from a previous camper:

"Six days to be just like everyone else. I’ve had diabetes for 13 years now and sometimes it's hard to find people that I can relate to. It's tough to feel like you’re the only person in the world who has to deal with this, but then you go to camp. Camp to me, is a place where I feel safe and people understand what I'm going through. When I'm there everyone gets it, no one stares, and there's no explanation necessary. Camp has really impacted me and motivated me to take care of my disease. Every year, with the thought of camp, I strive to stay in better control and take care of myself."

We have had some family and friends offer to help us pay for Brenna's camp :-) What an amazing blessing!! We believe that if someone wants to bless you, you should let them. So...Please, let us know if you would like to donate to our camp fund (we are not too proud to accept help!) :-) And, please, join us in praying for the campers and staff who will be taking part in Diabetes Camps all across the country this summer. Thank You :-)

James and Debbi

When God closes a door...

First blog of 2015. Everything feels so fresh, so new. It's almost like we get a "do over" every 365 days. Of course, we don't really, but it feels like that sometimes. It seems that this is a good time to reflect on your life. How are things going? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What are you doing well? What could you do better at? What changes will you make in the coming year?

I found myself asking these questions and more as I closed out 2014. The answers surprised even me! I took my concerns to my husband and then we both took them to God in prayer. After much talking and praying, we decided that I would resign from my position as the Client Services Director at We Care Pregnancy Clinic. Believe me, you are not more shocked than I was. I NEVER thought I would leave We Care. I love what We Care does. I love the volunteers. I love the clients.

So, why leave? Well, there are lots of answers to that question. There is no one huge answer. Ultimately, it boils down to the fact that I am not doing my job to the best of my ability. I have been distracted. That goes for both of my jobs, at home and at the clinic. That's not fair to anyone. I find that there are things slipping through the cracks at work and at home. My first priority is my home. My husband and my children need me. We Care will be fine, they will find a new CSD. James and the girls only get one me. I only get one chance to do this right. Before we know it, our girls will be grown and gone. I do not want to look back and regret time that I should have made for them.

My passion for the work that We Care does is just as strong as ever. I will continue to serve as a volunteer Client Advocate. That's what I love! I love sitting across from a client and helping her talk through one of the most important decisions she will ever make. I love being the support to women who have no one else to go to. I love introducing Moms and Dads to their babies for the very first time. I love watching hearts change and turn toward the One who knit them together. I will forever stay connected to We Care! I will continue to raise support for them whenever I can. The Walk For Life will be here before you know it, expect that I will be just as persistent in asking for donations as I always have been ;-)

So, what now? Well, I guess we wait and see. I know that God has a plan and I trust Him. I will continue to work at We Care until the end of May. I hope that we will find my replacement soon and that I can train her to do everything just like me ;-) After that, I am taking the summer off. My girls have spent a lot of time alone the past couple summers. This year, they will be sick of me! I am hoping to take in a baby or two for babysitting in the fall. After that, it's all up to God.

An interesting Godincidence happened a couple days after I put in my resignation--I got the letter that we would start training for the "cuddler" program at Rockford Memorial within the next couple of months. Maybe that's what's next? Maybe nursing? I will not pretend to know what God has in store for me or my family, but I am super excited!

I have grown by leaps and bounds during my time at We Care. I have gone from someone so painfully shy that I was afraid to talk to anyone, to someone who gets up in front of hundreds of people at church or at our annual Circle of Care Banquet and talks into a microphone. My faith has grown tremendously in the 6 years I have served in this ministry. I have made friends who I will love all my life. Friends who have loved me and prayed me through some of the worst days of my life. Friends who have cheered with me and for me during some of the best days of my life.

We did not make this decision lightly. Walking away in May (even though I know I will be back!), is going to hurt. But, I love my family and they deserve all of me. And We Care deserves someone who can give more than I can right now. I feel good about the legacy I am leaving. I have done good things. I have helped push We Care in the right direction. It's time for me to give someone else a turn :-)

I hope that you all will continue to support We Care with me. The work that is being done there is changing lives. It is saving lives on Earth and for Eternity. Every woman who walks through those front doors, is facing a life or death situation. The Client Advocates are on the front lines and they are doing a great job. I have been honored to lead them!

Debbi