I was texting with a friend recently who said something that really has me thinking. We were talking about my time as the Client Services Director at We Care. She said, "Sadly half or more of the time you were CSD, you were in crisis...the enemy is a jerk." At first, I thought, "No, that can't be right." But then, I really started to think about the last few years....
She's right! It has been one thing after another since January 2013. I think I had just grown so accustomed to survival mode that I forgot what it was like not to feel like that. Survival had become my "normal"
It started with Brenna's Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis in January 2013. And then, we lost Daisy that April. (May not seem like a crisis to you, but it crushed me.) James did a full year of third shift (January 2013 - January 2014) and I became a single parent trying to learn to care for a diabetic child by myself. And then in summer/fall of 2014, I went through some personal stuff that shook my whole world and everything that I thought I knew. Late 2014 and early 2015, 3 of my 4 parents were hospitalized several times. I quit a job that I absolutely loved in May 2015. And that October we lost my niece at 18 weeks.
Fast forward to today and I can tell you that I am not in crisis!! YAY!! I am remembering who I am outside of just surviving. I am looking back at the past 3 1/2 years and I know how strong I am! Satan pulled out all the stops. He tried to break me and he failed. He must be scared ;-) I am a child of the One True King and I have nothing to fear.
Romans 8:31New International Version (NIV)
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us,who can be against us?
This all got me thinking about my clients. Their lives are often lived in survival mode. So many come from broken families and constant crisis. And then, they get a positive pregnancy test and it pushes them over the edge. They are no longer thinking about the future, they don't care about consequences or possible side effects. They just want to survive! And that's where they are when they make the biggest decision of their lives :-(
I can tell you that I have made a lot of decisions in the past 3 1/2 years. Some were right, some were wrong, some turned out better in the end, some I regret. I can't take any of them back. I just move on from here and do the best I can from now on. I am thankful that I always had people to talk to. I was surrounded by people who love me and love Jesus and prayed for me and offered great support and advice. I am happy to be able to do that for our clients :-)
To everyone who has seen me through these tough times, Thank You!! I am still here because you loved me and you always pointed me to the One who loves me so much that He sent His only Son to die for me. For me! I don't even know if I can wrap my brain around that, but I choose to believe it even before I completely understand it. Faith :-)
Love,
Debbi
