Battles

So, I have wanted to write this blog for a couple weeks. I have struggled with how much to share and how it would be received. I decided that, like everything else I write, this is my blog. This is my way of getting things out of my head. Saying things that I may be too chicken to say in person.

I have also decided to be kind of vague this time (so unlike me). So, if you are looking for gossip material, sorry!! You won't find it here.

I need to start by saying that James and I are good!! But, we have been through some things lately that have shaken us up a bit. I have shared specifics with just a few very close friends. Friends who I knew would be on their knees before the Father on our behalf. Friends who love Jesus as much as we do. Friends who would pace their bedroom at 4 AM praying.

I am more convinced than ever that we are facing spiritual battles every single day. It is so easy to talk about God and Heaven. Who wants to talk about Satan and Hell? Well, guess what, if you believe in God and if you believe that His word is Truth, there is no way around it. Satan is real and he is here.

These words are written in red (that means they are the words of Jesus)--John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." NIV

That is a scary and yet comforting message. Yes, Satan is here and his whole agenda is to destroy us. He wants to kill marriages and families. He wants to steal the joy that only comes from Jesus Christ. But, Jesus is here too. He wants to love us and protects us. He guides us to make good choices that will strengthen us. His Holy Spirit lives in those who have accepted the free gift of salvation. He lives in us!!

There is a spiritual battle raging around us every second of every day. We are drowning in messages from the father of lies. It is in advertisements and on TV and certainly on our computer screens and smart phones. It is in the unsaved people who influence us. This world is full of darkness. As Christians, we are called to be the light. We are called to reflect the Light of Jesus everywhere we go. To expose sin and darkness so that it can be dealt with!

That's not always easy. The darkness can be so powerful and if we are near it long enough and if we do not come back to the Light often enough, we can be sucked in. We can stop feeling the prompting of the Holy Spirit. We can become cold to the One who chose the cross and died to pay for our sins. We can do things that we never, ever thought were possible. We can hurt people who love us.

But, go back and read the second half of that verse. Jesus came to free us from all that. He came that we may have life, and have it to the full. Hallelujah!! We are free!!

Have you seen James' new tattoo? It's the pic for this blog entry. That verse has been so healing for us. (I would have gotten a tattoo with him but I'm chicken!!) That verse is pure truth. As long as we can hold onto that, we can make it through anything. I'm not saying it will be easy, but that truth is more powerful than all the lies in the world.

One of the ways that we have decided to protect ourselves from Satan is to stay away from all alcohol from now on. This is a decision that we came to together for the betterment of our family. I'm sorry if that makes some of you uncomfortable but we have to do what we know is right for our family. Now, I'm not necessarily saying that alcohol is the source of all our problems, but it does not help. It leaves us numb to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and vulnerable to Satan. It opens the door for sin :-(

I know that we still have a long way to go. The things we have been through will be with me for the rest of my life. Things that have been done, cannot be undone. Words that have been said, cannot be unsaid. We will have good days and we will have bad days, but I know who wins this war. I have read the last page of the book!!

Friends, please take this seriously. Protect what comes from the Lord and steer clear of things that don't. Spend time in fellowship with other believers. Spend time in prayer and in God's Word.

Matthew 22:37-38 "Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment." NIV

James and I are blessed to have incredible friends who have prayed us through some tough stuff. It is only because of them and my God that I stayed out of the black hole of depression. I toyed with the idea of jumping in that hole head first and staying there forever. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us. Thank you for loving us!! Thank you for holding us up when we were not strong enough to stand on our own. We love you!!

Debbi

I wish...

I wish I could understand how you feel. I wish I knew what a "low" really feels like. I see the fear in your eyes. I hear it in your voice. We have done this hundreds of times now. Why is it still so scary?

I have read everything I can get my hands on. I have read explanation after explanation of what you are feeling and yet I still have no idea. Why is it that you can feel nothing one time and feel awful the next time? I don't understand.

What are you thinking? Do you think about the "what-ifs"? Do you really understand what can happen? Is that what you're thinking about? Or, is it just instinct? Is it a natural response that forces you to take action?

And the "highs". They don't seem to bother you as much, until you see the number. Then what? Are you feeling ashamed or embarrassed? Are you mad at me? At yourself? At diabetes? At God? Do you feel as angry as you act? Do you understand the long term consequences of high blood sugars?

You are 9 years old! These are not things that a 9 year old should have to think about. I hope that if you know nothing else, you know how very much you are loved. I would take this disease from you in a second if I could. I would give my life if you could have yours back. I am really and truly trying to understand. I want to help. I want to protect you.

Sometimes, I think we've got this. We can handle this. And other times, I think this is going to kill me. When you are crying and shaking and barely able to talk and refusing to let anyone help you, I feel lost and helpless. I wonder what it would be like to have a "normal" life. I feel guilty for even thinking that :-(

I promise that I will always fight for you. I will always believe that a cure is possible. I will never give up hope. I know that our God is in control even when we are not. Or, should I say, especially when we are not.

You don't know

I haven't blogged in a LONG time. Mostly because I have been busy. Partially because I did a lot of writing when I was fundraising for We Care and JDRF at the same time and I got a little burnt out. But, also because I just haven't had anything that I really wanted to write about.

I have had this list swirling in my head for a few days now, making it hard to sleep. It's a list of things you don't know. Now, don't get offended. It's not your fault that you don't know and I sincerely hope that you never have to know. I also understand that some of you DO know, all too well. My fellow D-moms, you know. Moms with kids who have any chronic illness/disability, you will be able to relate to a lot of this list.

So, here it is--things you don't know:

You don't know what it feels like in that last 2 steps toward Brenna's bedroom door every morning, praying that she is alive.

You don't know what it feels like to look at her poor, bruised little thumbs because that's where she prefers to poke herself.

You don't know what it's like to not enjoy her concert because all you can think is "is she ok", "does she need juice", "are the lights affecting her", "what about her nerves", "what if she passes out", "can I get to her in time".

You don't know the constant fear of what high blood sugars are doing to her kidneys, heart, eyes, nerves, everything.

You don't know what it feels like to watch her cry because she doesn't want another shot/pump site/blood draw.

You don't know what it's like to have people say that this is your "new normal". I hate those words!

You don't know how it feels when your non-D child says that sometimes they wish they could get Diabetes so they could get special treatment too.

You don't know how it feels to never be able to let it go. To have Diabetes occupy a part of your heart and your mind 24/7/365.

You don't know real guilt like I feel when her numbers are bad.

You don't know what it's like to be terrified that she might want to go to college.

You don't know how it feels to wish she wouldn't wrestle with her dad or her sisters because you're afraid that she will rip her pump site out.

You don't know what its like to pack for a kid with diabetes!

You don't know what it's like to have to follow her to church camp because it is a full time job to take care of her and you can't ask anyone else to do that. Even if they did, I would be nervous wreck!

You don't know what it's like to be sitting in church and the Sunday School teacher comes in and says, "It's Brenna".

You don't know how it feels to wish someone close to me could really understand but know that the only way they could is to have their child have Diabetes and I definitely don't want that.

You don't know what it's like to have constant contact with the school nurse.

You don't know what it's like to know that if your child ever wants children, she will have high risk, probably very difficult pregnancies.

You don't know what it's like to know that your other kids and future grandkids are at a higher risk for developing diabetes.

You don't know how much I read about diabetes. Always praying that the answer is in the next article.

You don't know what it's like to really pray for a cure. To be absolutely willing to give up everything to find that cure. Even if it meant my own life.

You don't know what it's like to never be able to look at her as just a kid. I always see Diabetes.

You don't know what it's like to say "We're ok" when you know that will never be true.

You don't know what it's like to look back at old pictures and automatically decide if it was before or after Diabetes. If before, the next thought is always if there are any signs that it's coming.

You don't know what it's like to be resentful of people who let their kids walk around with bags of potato chips or candy in front of Brenna knowing that she will never be able to just graze like that. She can have that stuff but she will always have to check her sugar, determine how much she is going to eat, and bolus.

You don't know what it's like to have to pull over on your way to WalMart because she feels low and too shaky to check her blood sugar when the car is moving.

You don't know how heart breaking it is to tell your little girl that this is forever. That she must count carbs and take insulin or she will die.

You don't know how heart breaking it is to face that fact yourself. Even if we do everything right, there are no guarantees. This disease could kill her.

I could go on for days, but I think that's enough for now.

I want you all to know how much I appreciate all of you who have made any effort to understand Diabetes and be able to care for Brenna. It means so much to have family and friends on this journey with us. Hopefully, you will never know what this feels like from the driver's seat (only Brenna can sit there), but we are all passengers on this ride. Thank you for not jumping off!! Thank you for not being afraid!!

Love,
Debbi

What does it mean to be a Christian?

What does it mean when I say that I am a Christian? I recently met someone who calls herself a Christian, but nothing in her life points to that. Now, before you get all crazy on me.....I am not judging this person or anyone else. It just made me think about what it means to be a Christian. What do I believe? Why?

I have some answers. My answers. Agree or disagree, that's up to you. If you are going to get offended, please stop reading now. If you have questions, ask. I would love nothing more than to see each and every one of you in Heaven someday.

So, how do we get there? There is only one way. To get your ticket through the pearly gates, all you have to do is accept the gift that has been freely offered to you through the blood of Jesus Christ.

How do you do that? It's so easy, you won't believe it! All you have to do is acknowledge that you (and I and every other person on this planet) are a sinner in need of a Savior. That Jesus, the one and only son of God, was born of a virgin and died on a cross to pay for your sins. That he rose on the third day, he ascended into Heaven, and He sits at the right hand of the Father, and that He is going to return someday. Believe that and invite God to live in you and to reign over your life. Done. Ticket has been bought and paid for and you will spend eternity with the Creator of the Universe.

But it doesn't stop there. Sure, you bought your ticket, but what are you going to do now? If you really believe that Jesus created you and died for you and that He loves you, what are you going to do about it? First, you need to have a relationship with Him. How do you get to know someone? You talk to them. So, talk to Him through prayer. Let Him talk to you through His Word (the Bible). Spend time with Him every day. In doing so, you will develop a relationship unlike any human relationship you have ever known. You will want to be more like Him. You will want to follow His commands.

I believe that every single word in the Bible is true. Some would argue that the Bible was written by man and man makes mistakes. This is true, but we know that Jesus promised to send the Holy Spirit to remind His disciples of what He said. The Bible may be written by man but it is Holy Spirit inspired and the Holy Spirit does not make mistakes.

Speaking of the Holy Spirit, I also believe in Him. I believe in the Holy Trinity. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Each is individual, yet they are all one. Maybe that's a hard concept to grasp, but that's ok. I also believe that there are some things we are not supposed to understand. Not yet anyway.

I believe in Heaven. I believe that everyone who has accepted Christ as their savior will spend eternity in Heaven with Him. On the flip side, I also believe in Hell. This goes back to believing that everything in the Bible is true. The Bible tells us that if we do not accept the gift of salvation, we will spend eternity in Hell. Read Revelation if you want to know more about that.

There has never been a decision more important than the one I made when I decided  to follow Jesus for the rest of my life. Not getting married, not having kids, not buying a house, not joining the military, nothing. I am still a sinner. I still fail. Being a Christian is not easy. But, God never said it would be. He did say "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I pray that anyone who has known me for more than 10 minutes, can see Christ in me. I want my life to point to the Father in everything I do. I am nothing without my faith. When I call myself a Christian, I know that I am representing the one true God. I can only pray that I do that well.

Please, if you have any questions about God or how to get to Heaven, please ask. If I don't have the answer, I will find someone who does. I love you all!

Debbi

Marriage

James and I are getting ready to celebrate our 15th anniversary. Actually, it's still more than 2 months away but we have been talking about it forever. We are both really excited! It's fun to look back at the last 15 years and see how far we have come. From 2 single airman living in dorm rooms to a family of 5 with 2 houses. We have been through all the ups and downs that can be expected in 15 years and we are stronger for it.

Or, are we? That's the question keeping me awake at night lately. I have always thought that our marriage was the kind that could withstand anything. We are a great team and we can take on the world, as long as we're together. Right? Nothing to worry about?

Hmmmm.........What if that is exactly what Satan wants us to think? Maybe he wants us to get comfortable in our marriages. Maybe he wants us to believe that we are the exception. That nothing and nobody could tear us apart. Maybe he is waiting for us to put our guard down before he strikes!

I have to admit that there is an incident that put me on this path. Nothing happened!! James was in a work situation where he and a female deputy were transporting inmates. Of course, everything was very professional and nothing happened, but it got me thinking. What if? James assured me that they are in constant radio contact with the station, but that didn't make me feel any better. I am not naive. I know that "things" can be done in a moving vehicle.

Is that just my own insecurity? Or, is it the Holy Spirit? I trust my husband completely, but I do not trust Satan at all! What if he tried to use a situation like that to lure James into a trap? Or the female who is also married? What if?

I think, that as a society, we need to do more to protect our marriages! Why didn't anyone else think about that situation? Why isn't there a rule about male and female deputies being alone together? What about her husband? How does he feel about this? Don't people understand that Satan hates seeing good, Christian marriages? That the evil one has come to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Satan wants to steal our happiness, kill our marriages, and destroy our families!

I guess, what I am trying to say, is that I am on guard. Satan, you don't stand a chance! You can play on my insecurities and my weaknesses all you want, but you won't win! My marriage is strong and getting stronger every day!

The last 15 years were just the beginning for our family. I am looking forward to 50 or 60 or more years to come. Years to grow and love together. To meet grandchildren and great grandchildren together. To travel and experience all of God's goodness together.

Please, treat your marriages as the holy and intimate unions that they are intended to be. Stay on guard at all times. Don't get too comfortable. Satan is lurking in the dark shadows, waiting for his opportunity to pounce. Don't give it to him!

Ephesians 5:21-33

²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

 As always, the Bible gives great instructions. These verses paint a picture of what a Christian marriage should look like. Following God's instruction is always a great way to keep Satan away. 

Now, I am going to go get our room ready for our new bed (our anniversary present to each other). Could there be any better way to prepare for all of the "memories" that we still get to make ;-) ??

Debbi

My Body

My body is almost 40 years old!! (Don't tell anyone!!) My body has endured 3 c-sections and a hysterectomy. My body will never again be what it was 20 years ago. My body was never meant to last forever.

My body grew and birthed 3 of the most amazing people I know!! My body held them when they were sick or scared. My body is still strong!! My body is still desired by my husband (TMI?). My body is soft and babies like that :-) My body is a unique work of art created by the God of the universe!!

If you were on facebook yesterday, you know that I have been struggling with this diet. Things are not happening as quickly as I would like them to :-( I want to be at my goal weight, NOW!! But, why?? So I can eat whatever I want and gain the weight back?? That's silly. Why would you want to do that?? I don't know, why have I done that multiple times before??

Maybe, I have been going about this all wrong. (If anyone says, "I told you so.", I will punch you in the nose!!) Maybe dropping the weight fast is not the best way to do this. Obviously, I have not been able to keep the weight off doing things that way. Hmmmm..............

What if I kept counting points and trying to lose weight but I gave myself a little slack once in awhile? What if I do my best but I still act like a normal person at "special" times? Like a birthday party or a date night or a family event. Maybe then I would still feel "normal" but the weight would still come off. Is it really possible to lose weight and enjoy life at the same time? I think I need to try!!

What about the gym?? UGH!! I absolutely HATE the gym!! I do NOT feel better after a workout. EVER!! I just HATE it. What am I going to do about that? I have to keep going. I need the exercise. I registered for a Mud Run for goodness sake :-) Oh boy.........

I actually really enjoying walking outside when it's warm. I love taking Minnie for walks and watching her explore. I love talking with friends as we walk. I love people watching all around town :-) I guess, I will have to endure the gym until this weather breaks. But, as soon as it gets warm, I am outta there!!

What does all this mumbling mean?? I am not quitting!! I am still committed to losing this weight. I will not continue to kill myself to do it. I will not hide in my room afraid that if I come out I will eat something I shouldn't. I will not stay grumpy all the time!! I will not be posting weigh-ins every Saturday (that's a LOT of pressure!!).

I will count points most of the time. I will go to the gym when I can't think of an excuse not to. I will walk as soon as I can. I will respect the body that I have been given. I will continue to weigh myself every day. I will continue to post when I hit weight loss milestones. I will remind myself as often as I need to that I am more important than the number on the scale :-)

Hope to see you all at the Mud Run on June 21, 2014!!
 http://runfortheking.com/event/details/chicago-mud-run-for-the-king/

Debbi

Where to start??

So, it has been a little while since I have posted. Why?? Basically because I have been stalling. I want to write about diabetes. I want to share all the thoughts and feelings and worries and ups and downs and highs and lows and stresses and successes and guesses and fails. I want to make it all make sense. I want to be in control!! But, I'm not :-( Fortunately, I know who is. God's got this!! I can't "fix" it and I don't have to!!

So, where to start?? I could write about diabetes for a month straight and still not say everything that I want to. How much to share?? I have said before that I need to write for me. But, other people might read this too. Do you all really want to hear every fear?? Do you really want to know that every morning when I go to wake Brenna up, I think that this could be it. This could be the morning she doesn't wake up. What if she went too high or too low in the night and I wasn't there to help her? What if......??

I guess, the best place to start is at the beginning. Diagnosis.

January 2013--

Brenna had been using the bathroom A LOT. This is the only symptom that we caught in the beginning. I was convinced it was a UTI. Her teacher had e-mailed to say that she was using the bathroom a lot at school. My niece, Patience, had been spending a couple days with us and sleeping in Brenna's room. She said that Brenna had gotten up at least 10 times in the night to go to the bathroom. So, I decided to take Brenna to the doctor. It was Saturday, her doc wasn't open. I was just going to run her to the clinic at Walgreens to get some antibiotics. Then we would hurry home because we had a busy day planned.

I asked Brenna to shower quickly before we left. She started crying. She could barely get herself in and out of the shower. I told myself that she was acting like a baby for the attention. As I helped her out of the shower (not so nicely), I noticed how skinny she was. I guess it had been awhile since I had seen her naked. She was skin and bones :-(

I began to ask about other symptoms of UTI. Did she have pain or burning? Itching? Anything? No. This was starting to scare me. I had looked up her symptoms a couple days before. Diabetes popped to the top of the list but I blew it off. Thought for sure I was being a hypochondriac. 

I still thought, that can't be it. It's just a weird UTI with weird symptoms. She's going to be ok. We'll get some meds and go on with our merry lives. So, we headed to Walgreens.

On the way, I remember praying that it was just an infection. An easy fix. I think that God was preparing me for something worse. I just had a sense in that moment that our day was not going to go as planned.

We got to Walgreens, waited forever, and finally gave a urine sample. The girl who saw us first put a strip in the urine. She looked at me, looked back at the strip, and excused herself. We were then taken in to see the doctor (or nurse??) who told us that there was sugar in Brenna's urine. I had no clue what that meant. She said that they needed to prick her finger to check her blood sugar. Oh My!! Brenna did not like that!! (Funny that she does that to herself 10 times a day now!!) The level was too high for her meter to read. (I now know that means over 600!!)

Still had no clue. Doctor said "I think that Brenna may have diabetes. You need to take her to the ER right now. I will call ahead and let them know you're coming." Ok Lady, relax. I was so naive. I had no idea how sick my little girl was. She could have died.

We went to the ER and were immediately taken back to a room. No waiting, this is different. The nurse asked some questions that we had not been asked before. Was Brenna drinking a lot? Yes. (We actually found several water bottles in her bed.) Eating a lot? Yes. But, that was just a growth spurt, right?? Losing weight even though she was eating so much. Yes :-( Irritable? Yes. Tired? Yes.

Oh my goodness. This can't be happening. I called James. He came to be with us.

The hospital checked her blood sugar again. 747!! (Normal is right around 100) She was hooked to an IV and insulin was started right away. She was down in the 300s a couple hours later when the ambulance arrived to take her to Rockford Memorial where we would spend 3 days learning how to live again. That was the longest ride of my life. Thankfully, the wonderful people with Ridge Ambulance let me ride in the back with her while James went home to take care of a couple things and get the other 2 girls. Brenna was so scared. She was hungry but couldn't eat until the blood sugar came down. She kept saying, "I'm not sick, Mommy. I'm just hungry."

The first days were tough. We had so much to learn. Everything was new and scary. On the day before we would be going home, a nurse came to talk to us about possible complications. The list is long and scary. Blindness, heart disease, seizures, coma, amputations, and death to name a few. How was I going to handle this? How was I going to learn to take care of this child? Why me? Why her? Why us?

I cried more in 3 days than in the rest of my life combined. I hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. I was terrified!! I was exhausted.

We were sent home with a very dependent child, a ton of prescriptions, a lot of information, and a lot more questions. Day by day, with God's grace, we have made it this far. I barely recognize the people in that car over a year ago.

And that's it, that's the day(s) that changed our lives forever. I'll write more about what we have learned and experienced since then. But for now, that's enough. Thank you all for your love and prayers in our time of crisis. No matter what, we knew we were loved :-)

Addiction

Today I write with a heavy heart. I got the news that someone close to me has fallen back into some old addictions. This person has worked so hard to fight these demons. Satan uses the same old tricks over and over to hurt us. I am praying for strength for this person to get up and fight again. You do not have to let Satan win!!

Romans 8:31 "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

What do I know about addiction? After all, I am a "goody two-shoes", a "Debbi Downer", a "Bible Thumper", right?? Maybe. But, that's because I wasn't always who I am today. I would much rather people think I am boring than see who I used to be.

I do know a little something about addiction :-(

My first 2 years in the Air Force are kind of a blur. I did what I had to do to get to Friday night. I stayed drunk the whole weekend, every weekend. I could easily drink a bottle of Bacardi by myself. I was proud of the fact that I could out-drink most of the guys. I did things that I NEVER would have done sober!! I was sad and lonely. And I was walking a very fine line with alcoholism.

I put myself in dangerous positions that I have a hard time thinking about today. The "What if's" are too scary to imagine. One time in tech school, I left a club and ended up in an apartment with a bunch of guys I didn't know. Thankfully, one of the guys realized how drunk I was and took me back to the dorms. He even helped me sneak in my window so I wouldn't get in trouble. Thank You, Jesus!! 

On 2 different occasions, I thought that I was going to be raped. Both times, someone else walked in at just the right time and I was able to get out. I know that God was watching out for me both times.

Then I met a boy. We dated for a couple months and I could not imagine my life without him. He was "the one" ;-) One day, he told me, "I can't be with someone who drinks as much as you do." I didn't touch alcohol for about 6 months after that. I have never gone back to the person I was in those first 2 years. But, I am always aware that I could!! That is why I hardly ever drink these days. I have way too much to lose. It's just not worth it.

I married that boy!! We have 3 beautiful daughters and we will celebrate our 15th Anniversary in May. I think back on that one thing that he said to me so long ago and I thank God for sending him :-)
My life has never been the same. I don't like to think of what my life would be like today if I had continued down that dark path that I was on. I am thankful to live in the redeeming light of Jesus Christ!!

Today, I am praying for my friend and for everyone struggling with addiction. It is a dark, scary place but you don't have to stay there. Ask for help!! I pray for strength and that you are surrounded by people who love you and will support your recovery. AMEN

Debbi

Fur Babies

No more news on Minnie's condition. We are just waiting. Waiting to hear how bad it is. How much or how little of what her liver needs is it actually getting and able to process? I watch her play and she is happy. She has no idea that she has such a serious condition. I know that if she has a shunt which could possibly be fixed by surgery, I will do whatever I can to save her. So, in the back of my mind, no matter what else I am doing, I am thinking. How can I get the thousands of dollars that it's going to take to help her??

You see, when I say that my animals are my babies, those aren't just words to me. I have always had animals. Always. There are times when I think that I like my animals more than I do most people (just being honest). My animals never get mad at me. They are never disappointed in me. They don't care how much I weigh or if I put on make-up this morning or even if I brushed my teeth. We have never argued about politics or religion or anything else. They expect nothing but love from me. In fact, they are true examples of how to love unconditionally!!

My animals have helped me to teach my children compassion, service to others, and responsibility. We are responsible for their every need and we meet those needs out of love. All we will ever get in return is love. It's not like Rusty is going to get a job and pay us to clean his litter box. We do that because we want him to be healthy and happy--because we love him.

Many times, when I am sad, one of my animals will cuddle with me. It's like they know how much I need them. When we lost Daisy last year, I felt like my world had stopped spinning. It was the hardest day of my entire life. I still cry when I think of that day. She was truly my best friend and when I lost her the only thing that helped even a little bit was to hold Rusty.

And then we got Minnie. She isn't Daisy and could never take her place, but she helped me heal. She gave me a reason to smile again. We all fell in love with her immediately!! She is such an awesome dog!!

To think that we could lose her.......I just don't think I can do it again. I still need her. She needs me. I am not giving up. I will do whatever it takes to keep her healthy for as long as I possibly can. And so I wait. Wait to learn what our next step will be. And I pray. Pray that her liver is still working correctly and that her condition can be controlled through diet and medicine. Pray that she will have a good, long life. Pray that she understands just how much she is loved!!

Debbi

Before!!

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

Read that again.

When does it say that God knew us? Before He formed us in the womb!! 

Does it say on the day you were born? Or when you were big enough to breathe on your own? Or the first time your mother felt your little kick? Or when you had a heart beat? Or when you implanted in your mother's uterus? Or even when your father's sperm fertilized your mother's egg?

Before He formed us in the womb!! Before!!

Whoa!! That's a huge statement. If God knows every individual before they are created and then He creates them, what right do we have to destroy any life?

Just because it's legal, does that make it right? I don't think so.

I often hear people say, "I would never have an abortion, but I don't have the right to tell someone else not too." Really!?!? Let's rewind a few hundred years to the black man being sold into slavery. Was that right? Just because you would not have owned slaves, do you still think others should have had the right too?? Why is that different??

I once had a high school teacher tell us, "One person's rights end where another person's rights begin.". Just think about that for a minute. I have carried that statement with me for over 20 years.

Science has proven that life begins at conception. From that very first moment a unique individual with it's very own DNA is created. Gender, height, skin tone, and fingerprints are determined by one sperm and one egg. That same combination will never be created again.

This is a new person. This new person's right to live is more important than his/her mother's and father's right to finish college, or not disappoint their family, or keep their job, or whatever. 

I believe in the sanctity of all human life from conception to natural death. As we approach the 41st anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, I mourn for the over 50,000,000 babies that have lost their lives to the violence of abortion :-( 

I promise to continue fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves!! 

Debbi

Day 3

The greatest thing to ever happen in the history of the world, happened on Day 3. Jesus Christ rose from the dead three days after being crucified and buried. This single event changed history!! Because Jesus rose, we serve a living God. That's what makes Christianity different from every other religion. But, did you ever wonder why He chose day 3?? (This would be one of those times to log off if you are overly sensitive!!)

Maybe, He was HUNGRY!!

Day 3 of a diet has always been the worst for me. I know, I know.....diet is a bad word. It's a life style change, healthy eating....blah, blah, blah!!! No, it's a diet. I am restricting calories in order to lose weight. That's a diet and I don't like it!!

It seems that on Day 3, my body figures out that something is up. I am hungry and tired and irritable and my motivation is too small to measure. My body is saying, "Feed me or I will make you and everyone around you miserable."

I know that things get better after Day 3, but Day 3 is not my friend. I find myself walking through the kitchen, looking in the fridge and the cabinets. Staring at the food I was eating last week. Wanting to pig out on everything in sight but also wanting to make it through this day.

The most frustrating part is that I have done this before. I have lost the weight several times. Why do I keep gaining it back?? Am I addicted to food?? Am I afraid to succeed?? Do I like the attention?? I really don't know the answer. I just know that I have been in this cycle for way too long and I want out. So, this time will be different. This time I will keep the weight off. That is my prayer :-)

I understand that my weight does not define me. I know that those who love me, will love me no matter what size I am. I know that Jesus loves me and that He created me. I believe that I am a good person even if my jeans are getting too tight. I get it!! But...... I want to be thinner. I want to look better. I want to walk up my bedroom stairs without getting winded. I want to look at myself and see more than fat rolls. I want to meet new people and not be self conscious. I want to go out to eat without worrying that people are judging what I order. I want to be happy.

I choose Weight Watchers. I know there are a lot of diet plans out there. I know that everyone has advice. Weight Watchers works for me. I know the plan (the 2010 version) and I do well on it. In fact, I have already lost 3.6 pounds. That was in 48 hours!! I will make it through Day 3 and I will succeed!! I am excited to think about where I will be in a few months :-) I am going to be one hot mama this summer!!

I am sure that this is not the last I will have to say on this subject. My weight loss journey (2014 style) has only just begun. Stay tuned for all the fabulous results :-)

Debbi

Getting Started

This is me. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a cousin, a niece, an aunt, a friend. I am me and I like me (most of the time). I have a lot on my mind and on my heart. I need a way to get it out. I like to write. A blog seems like a good idea :-)

What will I write about? Probably everything. Marriage, Kids, Diabetes, Work, Faith, Weight, and whatever else is keeping me awake at night.

Why now? Why not?

I am not a poet or overly educated. Do not expect me to be politically correct. If you are easily offended, please stop reading now. I am not conceited enough to believe that anyone cares what I have to say. This is for me and no one else. If you want to read, that's great. But if you don't, that's ok too. I promise not to be offended :-)

I confess that I have a tendency to complain. This does not mean that I don't see the blessings in my life. Believe me, I do. I cannot promise to always be upbeat. I can promise to always be real. Sometimes, life is grand. Sometimes, life sucks. That's just the way it is and I am not afraid to say it. So, again--Read At Your Own Risk!!

Like everything with me, I imagine this will be quite a ride. Buckle Up, Hold On, and Enjoy :-)

Debbi